Recently I was the victim of a dating service scam. I want to make people aware of this company because they prey on special-interest groups such as vegetarians. People like this piss me off. I don’t normally get this personal with the whole world–but I will in the name of justice.
Earlier this year I became single again, so I started exploring online dating options. I know several people who have met their now-husbands online, so I figured it could also work for me. I believe in love and I know there is someone out there for me too, but apparently we are having a really difficult time finding each other. Anyway, I digress.
Here’s what happened. I had heard about a service called Executive Vegetarian Dating a few years back. It’s an expensive service, so I was reluctant. Then I met someone, so I forgot all about it. Fast-forward two years. In the May-June 2009 issue of VegNews, the magazine listed this service among many other veg dating web sites. That gave it some credibility in my mind.
This dating service is different from other online dating sites such as veggiedate.com, veggieconnection.com, match.com, or eharmony.com. For those married folks out there, who have no idea what any of these web sites are like, let me briefly explain.
On most dating sites, you post a picture and written profile, answer some questions, and pay a fee to use the service. (There are also some services which are free.) You can search for a match based on your preferred criteria (or some services automatically send you matches based on your information, like eharmony). When you find a match you like, you communicate via email until you decide you want to talk on the phone and/or meet in person. Basically, you do the legwork or wait until someone emails you to let you know they are interested.
Executive Vegetarian Dating is different. You become a member and the service is supposed to match you with other members who have similar interests. You work directly with a counselor via phone and email, so you receive more personal attention then the typical online dating sites. Of course, all would be vegetarian. Or so you would think. You pay them to do the legwork. I figured it was worth a shot, especially after some of the experiences I have had this year—here are some examples:
- Talked to one guy from veggieconnection.com who was 49 years old and had a roommate. Is it too much to ask for a guy who has his shit together?
- Talked to a guy from eharmony.com who was also vegan. I was hopeful but no sparks. He told me I was political because I would rather go to a vegetarian Indian restaurant then one that served meat. I just didn’t get that.
- Received an email from a guy on greensingles.com who “took pause” with my request for a financially stable guy, but otherwise liked what I had to say. I guess he didn’t like what I had to say when I responded and defined “financially stable” as someone who works, doesn’t have credit card debt, has a savings account, and how about a plan for retirement. I’m not asking for a lot here. Just for someone who takes personal responsibility for his future. Or maybe he didn’t like that I had a car. More likely it was both.
- Received an email from a guy on veggieconnection.com. Seemed interesting so I responded. He then sent me a note back:
“so, now i see why i didn’t email sooner
you have cats and i am allergic”
- There is also the guy looking for his “soy” mate.
- Or, there’s the man looking for a woman who appreciates the healing power of raw garlic. Apparently he uses it to heal himself when sick. Why that is so important that he must include it in his profile I am not sure. Is he sick a lot? That’s an attractive quality to advertise, don’t you think?
So you can see why I wanted to try something different. I mean, haven’t you heard the saying that doing the same thing over and over when it’s not working is the definition of insanity. (This is not a “woe is me” story. Just giving perspective.)
So back to the scam. I began by checking out Executive Vegetarian Dating’s web site. It was very professionally done. I gave them some general information. They emailed me back and said they had about 230 members who met my general criteria (meaning professional males who were vegetarian, within my preferred age range, and lived in the Chicago area). Seemed like a reasonable amount, since there are millions of people in the Chicagoland area. The next step was to contact the company via phone. I left a message and a representative called me back to schedule an appointment to speak with one of the “counselors.” So far, so good.
On June 24, I spoke with a woman called Robin, who was to be my counselor. I gave her some personal information about myself so she could build my profile, such as my age (40), city I lived in (Chicago), height (5′5″), eye color (blue), body type (average), and areas of interest (yoga, bicycling, my cats, reading, traveling, vegan restaurants, and so on). Then we discussed what I was looking for in a partner (similar interests such as bike rides along the lake, walks after dinner, eating healthfully, good conversations, etc). This woman should seriously consider being an actress because she played her role expertly. We talked about how guys typically lie about their height by one inch and she said, “Yes, and women lie about their weight.” (OK, she caught me. I could probably lose a few pounds.) We had a perfectly normal conversation. No red flags. I even spoke with her one more time a couple of weeks later. Silly me. I wanted to confirm that all of these men would be true vegetarians. No fish eating “vegetarians” for me, please. (By the way, I am open to dating omnivores too, but, if I’m paying for this services, my matches need to be true vegetarians. I can find omnivores on any old site.)
My next step was to sign up and pay for the service, which I did by electronic check on July 10. A one-year commitment for $1,447.00. Don’t say it. I know. Don’t.
Lesson learned: Do not ever pay online by electronic check. If the company does not allow you to pay by credit card or through a service like PayPal, run for your life.
The company promises to send you a minimum of two matches per month and up to seven. You are notified of a match via email, which contains a couple of pictures of the guy and general information about him including his interests. I assumed when I received a profile the guy also received mine. (Key word: Assumed. Ha!) Now that I was signed up, I eagerly awaited my first match.
Match #1: Andrew. We seemed to have similar interests, so I emailed him. (Robin suggested I email the guy when I received his profile just to let him know I got it. What happened to being pursued? I am a woman after all and would quite appreciate that.) He emailed me back 24 hours later:
“It was a pleasant surprise to read your e-mail today and I had enjoyed going over your profile. I think we have a lot in common and that we are a good match. Unfortunately, I just reconnected with an introduction that was introduced to me last month. This just happened a few days ago. At the moment, I think I want to give it a second attempt and see how things develop first. I prefer not to date multiple people at the same time. I hope you understand and I will certainly let you know when I am open to meet with you. Thank you for writing. Hope you enjoy the rest of your day.”
WTF. Red flag #1. I emailed Robin to let her know and she said it was up to the members to keep the service up-to-date on their status, but they would get to work on my next match.
Match #2: Terry. His profile said he was a homebody. Plus, he had a moustache. (I even recall Robin asking me if facial hair was okay and I said, “No, moustaches.” Sorry, I just can’t.) Rather than email this guy, I contacted the service and said I wasn’t interested in this guy. Homebody? Since when does active mean homebody? Also, his eye color was “other.” What in the heck is that! Why didn’t the service include his eye color? Didn’t they talk to him? Red flag #2, 3, and 4. From this point on, the company stopped responding to my emails and voicemails, but they sent me another match after I left a voicemail questioning match #2.
Match #3: Milo. At least Milo was active and left home, but I didn’t get a sense that we had anything in common. Nonetheless, I emailed him and I’m glad I did. His response:
“I’m a bit surprised that you got my profile from this agency since I’m not their member (it’s been copied from another site but they left out parts that may not be appealing) and not a vegetarian either… but it’s nice to have a chance to chat with you.
Thank you for the note. If you found my profile somewhat interesting let’s chat. Since I’m at disadvantage for not knowing anything about you would you care to point me to a site that would provide your profile, or just write a few words about yourself. Hope you don’t mind me asking that. Love your email alias.”
No, Milo, I would not care to share my information with you. (In all fairness to Milo and Terry, I believe they were also played, but, frankly, I can’t be certain. Andrew, on the other hand, is a part of the scam. I am tempted to post pictures of Andrew, but it is highly unlikely it is “Andrew”.) Ughhh. This was heart wrenching. To be taken advantage of really, truly sucks. I haven’t been this angry in a lonnnnng time.
Terry and Milo helped me to identify where Executive Vegetarian Dating found their information. It was on a free dating web site called okcupid.com. Terry (and Milo confirmed) that a woman named Sara approached them on the site:
“I am writing because I know someone who would make a great match with you. She is a delightful professional lady who lives in your area. She is Vegetarian. If you would like to get in touch with her, please let me know.”
Both Milo and Terry received this exact same message. I would also post Sara’s picture, but it probably isn’t Sara.
It’s very clear this company is a scam and there are similar stories by others on the following web site, which my friend found after hearing my story: http://www.consumeraffairs.com/dating_services/executive.html.
I have not heard one peep from this company since they emailed me match #3. On the other hand, they have heard quite a bit from me including my request for a refund.
According to the Better Business Bureau, this company is also known as Executive Online Dating and operates the following web sites:
- executivevegetariandating.com
- executivejewishdating.com
- executivemilitarydating.com
- executivegaydating.com
- executivekentuckydating.com
- executiveohiodating.com
- executivedivorceddating.com
- executivecatholicdating.com
- executivechicagodating.com
Apparently you can type just about any word between executive and dating and find a new site for this company. I tried Miami and, sure enough, there is a web site for Miami singles. Lesbian. Yep, another site. All of the sites look alike except some have different pictures.
After closing my bank account, I have also filed reports with the Better Business Bureau, Internet Crime Complaint Center, and the Consumer Protection Agency. I have also notified VegNews magazine in hopes that they warn their readers.
By the way, Terry is not a vegetarian either, but I’m sure you figured that out by now. However, his daughter is vegan. Good for her! Ironically, Milo passed on some advice about dating in his last email:
“Hope you don’t mind me adding that, in my opinion, the best way to meet interesting, new people is to get more active in areas of your interest.”
If he only knew. I’m not exactly a couch potato (except I have sat on the couch all morning writing this post). I have been quite active in pursuing my passions over the years. But for now, I plan to just celebrate the fact I am a single woman who lives with three cats. There is such a negative stereotype attached to my scenario and it is also so. very. wrong. I once went on a date with a guy who was allergic to cats. In an effort to retain my interest, he suggested I give up my cats for someone who can talk to me. What he didn’t understand is that my cats “talk” to me every day. Just like dogs talk to their people. There’s no difference. Only animal people would understand this. Poor guy. He was allergic to dogs too, and probably never had the pleasure of living with a pet.
Anyway, perhaps I should just post my full profile here for the whole world to see and let my friends comment on how wonderful I am. How about I ask my ex-boyfriend to comment on my flaws? They will come out sooner or later anyway. I could provide all the details up front–the good, the bad, and the ugly–seems like this would be more efficient and would save time in the long run. Perhaps cut down on the heartbreaks too.
My friend, Lisa, said I need to make people aware that I am single. (I’m trying to figure out why they would think otherwise. I’m not wearing a wedding ring and I show up alone most places.) Ummmm, hello world, I’m single and looking for love just like everyone else. Don’t all human beings want to find love? Except for the heinous people behind this stupid company. Karma is a bitch and they will have to face the music at some point.
Now I’m off for a bike ride. Anyone want to join me?
UPDATE #1
Since writing this post but before actually posting it to my blog, I received an email from the guy on veggieconnection.com who said he was allergic to cats. Strangely it had been almost a month since his last email. Here’s his message:
“so, here’s an idea: let’s connect and see what’s up. yes, i am allergic to cats, but indeed i really admire them. i lived with two cats during my life, developed the allergy in 1992. you seem so vibrant, i shouldn’t let allergy get in the way…i’m open to your response, either way…”
Ahhhh, what’s a girl to do? Looks like I need a new approach. How about I just let love find me now.
Update #2
I have received my money back but it is not because the company willingly refunded it. I called my bank’s fraud department and they have gone after the money via the dating service’s bank. As a courtesy my bank credited my account for the full amount.
(Note: All quotes above are taken directly from email communications I have received. I am not responsible for other people’s grammar.)